#1 Vending Machines – I have only seen drink and cigarette machines. No, I have not seen any panty vending machines. I will wonder to my dying day why there are no snack vending machines. While the abandoned island to the north has a population of zero (...), there is still one vending machine, from which I enjoyed a cold beer.
#2 Pachinko Parlors – I have been in one Pachinko Parlor, just long enough to realize it is an alternate universe of zombies playing for convenience store food, and I escaped before blood started coming out of my ears from the incessant noise of hundreds of miniature pseudo pinball machines.
#3 Karaoke – Speaking from my brief jaunts onto the mainland, karaoke happens by default when you go out, and are wondering what to do next, usually between 1-4am. There are giant Karaoke houses open 24 hours. You rent a room for a certain amount of time and order unlimited drinks by telephone.
Honorable Mention: Snack Bars – NOT a place to go for snacks. I have never been in one, but I did send a willing couch surfer to do some reconnaissance, and their reports confer with others descriptions, that snack bars are seedier versions of hostess bars. You pay a lot to talk to a woman, levels of attractiveness significantly vary, while drinking beer and eating dried squid.
The fact that my island has TWO miniature Karaoke places may be a testament to the prevalence of this cultural pastime. I have only been when enkais (organized work drinking parties) take me there, which I feel has made for some real “authentic” experiences. By the time I find myself at either “Melody” or “Pegasus,” my coworkers have already been drinking and eating for a good 4 hours. This doesn’t mean they take Karaoke lightly.
At my welcome party I was offered the mic first. I knew this was a big moment. I had to pick a song that did not require vocal skills, that Japanese people would know, that would show I can simultaneously act a fool and take Karaoke seriously. I’m sure most of you understand that this naturally means Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guidelines for Japanese Karaoke I have learned since, if you will:
-You will sing. Just like you WILL eat your peas before you leave the dinner table. The nice way, or the shove it in your face way, you will sing.
-The background videos will never make sense. I’ve seen fabio riding on Route 66, businessmen lying depressed the forest, waves crashing upon lovers, etc… all with no correlation to the song.
-You cannot casually share your song with other people.
-There are entertaining snippets of English in many Japanese songs. For example, “My little girl, my little girl. Oh desire morning,” or “Stop! Love Always Oooooh uh uh uh.” My personal favorite, “Hallelujah,” which written in Japanese, can only get as close as “Ha-re-ru-ya”
-If you take requests, expect “I Will Always Love You,” or something by Celine Dion.
The first time I took requests I had to sing “My Heart Will Go On.” That should have been the last time I took requests.
But one particular enkai, I humored both my Vice Principal’s strange obsession with “Country Road,” and my co-teachers farewell duet request for “We Are the World. We Are the Children.” He declared it was important to sing before I go to Africa, and he sang it on his knees.
At my last enkai I vowed it would be the last time I went to karaoke without a song already in mind. This is because when I didn’t know what to pick, they asked for Mariah Carrey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You.” “Really,” I said. “It’s June.”
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