Blog Archive

8.27.2009

Teacher Mode


It's time to get serious. This is why I am copying ALT Adriene's lead in making an English Newsletter for my students. I can't bring myself to ask my Japanese Teacher of English if he even wants one, and I've already started, and I am really excited about my first piece of teacher work.

My first column....

"GET TO KNOW KELLY SENSEI"

Do you know who this person is?

She has many disguises.





TA-DA!

8.26.2009

Paying Respectz


I guess I will say a few words about what I have actually been doing at work, since school doesn’t start till next week. It feels like every few days I am meeting or “paying my respects” to someone new. The past 3 weeks is has been the Board of Education, the Superintendent, the Mayor, the Principals and Vice-Principals, the teachers, the staff, and some parents (Japanese equivalent of soccer moms?). Usually this is how it goes…

My sup, an unfortunately nervous man calls in the morning, speaks in a 90/10 mix of Japanese/English, to which I resignedly answer, Hai hai hai. Hai Hai. Ummm Ok. Eventually he shows up later in the day. We drive somewhere, get out of the car, nervously enter the building searching for the change of slippers, nervously peak in through doors until we find the right one. I half-heartedly bow, but make up for it by bowing many many times, as I enter. There I am introduced in Japanese. From what I gather I am from California, don’t know any Japanese (oh, the hopeless language) but am interested in Japanese Culture. Then there is an awkward silence, as I stand in front of the staff. We are all smiling. Hmmmm. Silence. When nobody can take it anymore and the first beads of sweat are about to tumble off my sup’s upper lip, I get the hint to start my self-introduction.

From what I imagine, I am saying. “Nice to meet you. Excuse me. My name is Kelly, I come from California. Excuse me. My Japanese is uh. I come from the UCLA in America. I studied the puberty of Africa (actually I think I picked the right word for development, but who really knows?). I don’t speak Japanese. Little by Little. Excuse Me. Thank you very much. Nicengjkegn to meet you.”

Then everyone claps and bows. I bow some more. We smile at each other. I leave. I laugh inside.

8.21.2009

You WILL Like Me


The first day of class start September 1st. Today all the kids are at school. I won’t bother being confused.

Instead I am spending my time making them like me. From my predecessor I heard that the boys will be a tough crowd. Luckily there are only 57 kids at my base school. Thus I will eventually break them down one by one. My plan of attack started unknowingly at first with toilet shoes. Yes I wore toilet shoes to the dragon boat races. Thank you Mr. Vice Principal for offering me toilet shoes to wear so all the kids would point and laugh, “toilet haha, toilet.” This broke the ice. I am hoping my ten dollar Japanese WalMart equivalent gym shoes will generate equal shame, bringing me and the kids even closer together. (By the way, that discount store has been playing THE SAME SONG on loud speakers ever since I got here. It is a horrible song. I cannot even describe to you the horror)

Next, every day I will say good morning to each and every kid, possibly multiple times because I keep thinking they are a different person. My kids will be the best in Japan at saying “good morning.” For this, they will be grateful.

Then I will beat them at every sport (except for running and volleyball, that is hardcore ウンコ here). I will show no mercy. “Foul!” …I don’t know what that is in Japanese, and if I don’t know it, it doesn’t exist. If you think I am wrong you should read Thomas Gray's poem, "Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College" (1742): "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise," or conduct your own Google search on the matter.

After earning their respect, I will ask them to help me learn Japanese. After defeat, they will feel useful again and want to help me. Maybe they will even fight over me.

This plan is flawless and has nothing to do with teaching kids English. I guess I am still open to suggestions, anyone?

8.19.2009

Actually, fishing is mean


After school yesterday instead of waiting for the bus I started walking down the hill towards the water. This was a good change for a few reasons:

1) At 4:15 I am technically off work. Unfortunately, my bus does not come until 4:52, creating a bigger dilemma than one would imagine. After 4:15 they eventually tell me to leave, which leaves me standing by the bus stop still at around 4:30-4:45 when all the other teachers drive by in their cars as they leave work. They are for some reason obliged to pick me up and call the school to tell them I have missed my bus. I have tried everything from explaining in messed up Japanese to showing them the bus schedule to writing 4:52 all over the place, and just when I think they understand that the bus probably hadn’t come yet, the next day at school someone asks me, “Yesterday you miss bus. Why?” So yesterday instead of trying to hide in the bushes when the teachers drove by, I enjoyed a lovely walk down the hill along the ocean.

2) I wouldn’t walk the whole way home normally (it’s probably a 45min walk, not bad if I was wearing humane shoes and clothing) but I was meeting Mark to go fishing at the Urakuwa breakwater (yes Urakuwa means nothing to you, but one day I hope to make the first English map of Kamigoto, and then it will). Fishing is a nice change from coming home and wanting to pass out.

3) It was unbelievably beautiful. There are little cute fishing boats and a pedestrian bridge over the canals that go into the town. The sun was setting over the mountains on this side. Eastwards the water expands past the island remains that are scattered out towards the horizon. If you really stop and listen you can hear the water lapping and so many birds. The bugs and cars navigating the mountains noticeably get louder. A song plays in each town at 8am, Noon and 5pm and every now and then a chime goes off and then various incomprehensible announcements (sounds to me like a Japanese motherly porn star voice) bounces off the hills and the sky. Its hard to believe there are problems in the world when you are lying here. I felt like swimming so I did. The water was really warm on top and it was a rush just thinking about the incredible abundance of life below me. I can’t wait to start scuba diving here!

But after catching a few fish and trying to let them go, we realized fishing is mean. First you have to grab them to get the hook out. But they are slimy and freak out when you touch them so the hook rips their mouth halfway off when they start thrashing. That is, if you get the hook just on their lips. One fish got it up its mouth so it was hanging upside down and bloody goo was coming out of its eye. DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. There has got to be a better way.

8.18.2009

The Beginning


ARRIVING

Arriving on Kamigoto was indescribable. But I am going to describe it anyway in hopes that you will be tempted to visit me, resolving that you must see this for yourself as soon as possible, for alas tomorrow is never promised. I only saw Nagasaki City in passing, but it reminded me of San Francisco. It had the same noise and smell that happens when city meets ocean, and the same vibe as “relax everything is ok.” The three of us had just met our supervisor at the airport and all too suddenly we left the Nagasaki JETS, like little illiterate orphans being taken home. The ferry ride was something you will have to experience yourself…nothing culturally shocking, just the need for seatbelts.

Coming off the boat, it was dusk and a mist had seemed to settle over the lapping blue/green water. The most dense green mountains rose up all around. There were even steps that went straight up from the water to a shrine tucked into the mountain. It had the time traveling feeling of Jurassic Park. There are even suspicious looking tall fences and “announcements” which a few hours later led me to start making comparisons to LOST.

We went to eat with everyone right away, which was trouble for me at first because the boat had made me sea sick. But, in no time I was eating delicious pork belly, raw squid and chicken cartilage just like everyone else. At such drinking/welcome parties there comes a time where many move on to another establishment for the thirsty.

There we met George. I found this to be the most disorienting experience of all. In the last 5 days I had slept maybe 12 hours. In the last couple hours I had eaten ridiculous amounts of food. And now I was in a dive bar with random pieces of crap, a piano and blue light, with a pimp bartender that was wearing Westwood rhinestone sunglasses and spoke like he was yelling off an English dictionary of only bad words.

The next morning I woke up at 5am in a hotel room, lied there until 6:50am, which was when I finally had the courage to peek out the window only to see more blue green misty mountains. That was the first time I had more than 2 minutes to myself to think since arriving in Japan, subsequently leading to mild hyperventilation.

“YOU WILL GONG. GONG GONG GONG ENDLESS.”

That is something I was not expecting to hear at school. I was also confused as to why the vice principal kept pointing at my shoes. After a little… “Am I supposed to come with you? I go with you? I stay here? What? Ok do I follow him? We go together? Yes? No?...” I found myself following the VP to his car. We literally drove just down the street got out and there is a huge event going on with all the teachers from school and children in Uonome dressed in yukata and dancing and racing boats. (Again the things I wonder when I find myself alone in the staff room…) I realized I would be participating in the boat races as the gong banger in the middle of the boat as the kids and teachers rowed across the harbor. I think they must have thought they were giving me the easy job, but they seriously overestimated my rhythm abilities

It was so much fun! I couldn’t believe myself. I was just laughing and hitting the gong while the kids yelled at me that I was doing it wrong and the teachers were heaving and splashing the other boats. And the crowd was cheering as we went by and I was sticking out like a flaming ball of gajin.

SATANS CONTRAPTION OF MIND GAMES, FESTERING ITCHING, AND SLOW DEATH.

I almost missed my bus today because of pantyhose. Nevertheless I am deleting this explicit paragraph for the children.

FINALLY, TIME TO CONQUER THE SQUATTER

The only people at work today are me, the grandma-chic science teacher and the principal - I presume because I hear shuffling in his office. I am not bored, like I am complaining bored, but just I literally have nothing to do for 8 hours.

I have playing hiragana and katakana games online. I’ve been facebook chatting with the most random people who appear online as a form of self entertainment. But, given the circumstances lunch came relatively quicky and its already 2:30. It’s a little awkward because the only word I have said to the other teacher this whole day was いただきます (itadakimasu, and yes I can read the hiragana because I have been using such free time to learn Japanese), which you are obliged to say before eating anyway.

I was so bored I decided to make myself crap in the squatting toilets just for kicks. I haven’t done that yet and I wanted to accomplish something new today. Well, the mosquitoes must be equally as bored because now, five minutes later I have three bites on my ろば and one on my foot. And I don’t even know if I can say that I really even had a legitimate poo.

JUST FIND AN OLD MAN

So we wanted to go fishing and I thought how hard could that be, all we have to do if we can’t figure it out is find an old man down by the sea. Well…Mark, Robin and I ended up stalking and old Japanese man who had a fishing pole sticking out of his fanny pack as he made his way down towards the water in Arikawa. He turned out to be from Osaka and was here for the fishing. He helped us set everything up and taught us the technique. Turns out the pole we bought was 3x longer than it needed to be and came with a line of 6 hooks. MY GOD I have never seen a line with 6 hooks. The little tiny shrimpys we bought for bait were slippery jokesters, but we each ended up catching a fish in ascending size order! We only caught one fish per 6 hooks though, and all the bait was gone every time. The hardest part was putting them back because they (I) would freak out when you touched them. WHAT A RUSH. A caught my first fish. It had a spine and was really gross to hold. DAH! I just wanted to throw it back. And catch more and more and more.

OBON TEMPLE CRASHING

Saturday night was pretty high on the “I can’t believe my life right now” scale. Robin hooked us up with an invitation to a Buddist Bon ceremony. When we sat down in the temple I definitely felt like a temple crasher though. Everyone was politely staring at us and it was silent until the monk came out and started chanting. Some people were clasping their hands around prayer beads and took turns going up to pray and maybe put money in the incense pot? I’m not sure what was going on. The chanting was very hypnotizing. I was falling asleep, admiring the architecture, trying to figure out what people were doing, feeling the moment, smashing mosquitoes and generally disbelieving my life all at once. Then we all moved outside and lit lanterns while leading a small wooden boat throughout town. The old men were going a little crazy with the firecrackers in the street and the little kids were wearing kimonos and holding lanterns. The boats were designated for each couple of streets to provide offerings for (Offerings for the departed, who’s souls were being guided by the lanterns back to heaven after a brief visit back home). I felt strange leading the boat of their dead ancestors holding this beautiful lantern listening to monks on tape and smelling incense, while we stopped at each house on the way to the bay. But people were nice and tried to explain the traditions to us and made sure our lanterns stayed lit. It felt very festive and somber at the same time. Watching the glowing boats (maybe 6 of them) be pulled out into the water with fireworks being shot over them and nuns chanting with bells was so amazing. Then after a few loops around the harbor they were pulled out toward the ocean and the crowd faded away. We went for some Hotto Motto. That is Japanese fast food.

MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS. STILL GETTING PAID TO DO たわごと.

I expect this all to change when September hits the fan, but for now work is an incredible guilt trip mixed with confusion and shame. Right now its me, two teachers, my JTE and my VP. They see me on facebook. They see me writing this. They seem me checking my email, the news and things I don't even care about in general. They see me studying Japanese (and scoff). What am I supposed to do from 8 till 4:45. I try to piece together a sentence just for the sake of saying something every 2 hours, so they don’t think I am a mute retard, but they don’t think it is cute. And I am always wearing the wrong clothes. Sometimes I will realize I am the only one in the room. Then I wander the grounds looking for anyone, usually finding the VP cutting a bush and that’s about it. I could lesson plan…but what does that mean? I don’t know how to teach. Psh, what do they think I am.