The Influenza and Japanese Disease Control

I am dripping in swine flu. “The influenza,” its all over me. I am a walking H1N1. But you know, it’s strange that I haven’t actually fallen ill. It’s me vs. the entire masked and sick island, but as they say, these colors don’t run. I am feeling pretty proud of my staunch individualist American immune system.

But truthfully, I must admit, being American isn’t everything. I suspect that “THE Influenza” is not H1N1 at all. No. No its not.

I present the evidence:

· I have not seen or heard of one person throwing up.

· Teachers and students who have allegedly been “influenzed” (their word, not mine) are back at school the next day.

· This island is overwhelmingly old; like WWI old. With the swine flu running rampant, some people would have definitely died. I think that's just the truth.

· People have been influenzed just by looking at someone who is influenzed from across the room. One day 5 teachers and an entire grade of students dropped like flies after looking at each other.

So I am calling bullshit. But nevertheless Japanese disease control has been pretty entertaining, at least when I haven’t been masked by the authorities.

The very foundation of disease control is the mask. For the most part, I think its nothing more than an unrelenting bad breath detector. But for Kamigotonians it has got to be some type of security blanket. There is nothing like feeling your hot wet germs and snot packed against your face. Fresh air is overrated, and even dangerous in some cases if you are riding your bike too fast (a warning another Goto JET received from some concerned citizens). I wonder if people wear the mask to bed? They wear it driving around ALONE in their cars. Oh THE HORROR when I walk around school without the mask when everyone else is wearing it. They make me feel like such a daredevil. You know me, living life on the edge… I have to get my kicks somehow. I’ve been holding back saying this…, but Japan is really just too safe.

Next is the spray. Another Goto JET reports some kids at her school have been completely sprayed down with disinfectant. I don't put it past them. At my schools there are teachers that man the hallways and spray the hands of everyone that walks by. If you walk into any building, there is a bottle there to greet you. Disinfection is the new taking off your shoes. I suspect that Japan will bear the first super bugs with their excessive use of anti-bacterials.

Then there is quarantine. The past month of classes has been interrupted because one or two grades have been banned from school. It’s funny that the flu can’t cross grade lines…

But, if this really is swine flu, then I think I will be all right anyway. I know the flu’s sneaky tricks. Covering the mouth and nose is just a distraction so it can get in through our eyes!!!! I have caught on to this. And anyways I have a perimeter around me. Junior High School kids don’t really get in the 3 feet zone needed to give me the Influenza. Its recently been shrinking as kids start to like me more, but I will be shocked if they breach 3 feet before December.