You WILL Like Me

The first day of class start September 1st. Today all the kids are at school. I won’t bother being confused.

Instead I am spending my time making them like me. From my predecessor I heard that the boys will be a tough crowd. Luckily there are only 57 kids at my base school. Thus I will eventually break them down one by one. My plan of attack started unknowingly at first with toilet shoes. Yes I wore toilet shoes to the dragon boat races. Thank you Mr. Vice Principal for offering me toilet shoes to wear so all the kids would point and laugh, “toilet haha, toilet.” This broke the ice. I am hoping my ten dollar Japanese WalMart equivalent gym shoes will generate equal shame, bringing me and the kids even closer together. (By the way, that discount store has been playing THE SAME SONG on loud speakers ever since I got here. It is a horrible song. I cannot even describe to you the horror)

Next, every day I will say good morning to each and every kid, possibly multiple times because I keep thinking they are a different person. My kids will be the best in Japan at saying “good morning.” For this, they will be grateful.

Then I will beat them at every sport (except for running and volleyball, that is hardcore ウンコ here). I will show no mercy. “Foul!” …I don’t know what that is in Japanese, and if I don’t know it, it doesn’t exist. If you think I am wrong you should read Thomas Gray's poem, "Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College" (1742): "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise," or conduct your own Google search on the matter.

After earning their respect, I will ask them to help me learn Japanese. After defeat, they will feel useful again and want to help me. Maybe they will even fight over me.

This plan is flawless and has nothing to do with teaching kids English. I guess I am still open to suggestions, anyone?