A Typical Convo

3 hours is the maximum amount of class I have in a 8 hour work day. Some days the extra time is taken care of because we happen to be making mochi, planting onions, having some type of important (BORING!!!) speech, or a fire drill. I never know about these plans until they are happening. Some days I am bitter about this because some days I hold the perception that they assume I do not need to know anything about my job. Other days I have plenty of time to chat with the other ALTs online about what we are confused about at that moment…

Robin: man im in shock though

so one of my fellow teachers, she's the PE teacher, leader of the third grade teachers

im also slightly afraid of her. She's been nice to me, but she's one of those people who like they tell you to do something and you do it

she's maybe like 50 or something, and reminds me of like....a nun, one of those nuns who practices tough love

though she’s not, she's married and has raised three sons apparently

anyway

i was sitting here at my desk, well i was slouching at my desk, searching the net cause I have nothing to do

when someone suddenly grabs my shoulders, I immediately sit up, thinking im in trouble, and look up to see her standing behind me

me: haha

Robin: and then, she starts to give me a massage

while chatting to some of the other teachers about random teacher things

me: AHAHAHAHAHA

Robin: after a few minutes she gives my shoulder a pat and moves on to do her work

while I sat there slack jawed in shock

im still in shock

i can like count on one hand the amount of times ive seen an adult japanese person touch another adult when they weren't drunk

me: ahahha

that is shocking

Robin: and I can't remember a clear time when one of my fellows teachers has touched me lol

like in anyway!

we don’t even hand shake for crying outloud!

me: ya one time someone put their hand on my shoulder and i moved away

out of pure shock

haha

Robin: right?

me: man you will be shocked for a while

Robin: and she's not even a teacher i interact with regularly!

i am not prepared for this

this wasn’t in the JET handbook

!

me: exactly

this is the real disturbing stuff

Robin: just when i thought Japan couldn't shock me

it could piss me off, it could bewilder me, it could amuse me

but it couldn’t shock me

it proves me wrong

me: hahahahaha

(5 min later)

me: since i feel inadequate at this job

im getting really involved in my English board

im making a miniature house at Christmas time

because i realized Japan likes miniature

Questionable Developments

Remember when you were little and you had to stick your hand into a box and feel around to guess what the object was? We did that in 5^th grade this week with scissors, tacks, a stapler, a metal compass with a sharp point, an open ink pad, and a box cutter.

Way to keep me my on my toes Japan.

I was just starting to comfortably stereotype Japanese people as being “safe.” Maybe it's the new generation. The students seemed to really get a kick out of screaming “DANGER!”

There have been other questionable developments too. There is a man with excellent English skills that works at the Shell station who likes to give me things. What started out as a lifetime supply of noodles has now escalated to shopping bags full of cheesecake, coffee and teas, paper decorations and sandwiches. I don’t know what to do because he is not even creepy.

Meanwhile, I agreed to be on a relay team for the island’s relay race festival. I am on the scuba diving team with 5 other men who are all middle age. Not only was it news to me that I am younger than their children, but that I am penciled in for running almost 2 miles in 9 minutes, half of which is uphill. HA. However my real question comes from just finding out from someone else that I am running in the men’s race.

On top of this, all of a sudden my co-workers are acting like they somewhat respect me. It’s completely bizarre. And the middle-schoolers have gone in one day from running away from me, to spooning me. There is nothing like feeling someone grab your hips and caress you from behind only to turn around and see a tiny Japanese girl.

I wish I knew what my secret was. It is kind of unsettling really. Not knowing what is going on or what I am exactly doing everyday can in effect lead me to question how well I know myself these days. Those of you that know me well, know I regularly do things to embarrass myself. Well, Japan is so awkward in the first place, any actions on my part go unnoticed or blend right in. This has been really disorienting. Luckily, this identity crisis was addressed last weekend when I pantsed myself.

I happened to be pulling off a scuba diving dry suit and took my pants off with it. Sensing something was amiss while standing in front of a few old Japanese men, I looked down to confirm I was indeed standing in my underwear. I started to laugh so hard that I couldn’t see, and I proceeded to crash into a rack of fishing poles. Somehow I didn’t hook myself, and found the whole experience to be comforting. However, after the old men laughed, they refused to acknowledge what had just occurred. Come on. We all know it happened. It was a loud disaster. Don’t deny me this.

Snapshot of the Day

The Kindergarteners are all wearing maroon berets with chinstraps. YES, 4 YEAR OLDS ARE IN BERETS WITH CHIN STRAPS.

And they had a musical concert with the teachers. When the students chanted for an encore, they did it over again. YES, THEY RE-PERFORMED THE ENTIRE CONCERT AS AN ENCORE.

How IS my Japanese?

A lot of people have been asking me how my Japanese is coming along. It is hard to say how bad it really is. The more I learn about Japanese the more I feel I don’t know. Ahhh sigh, so goes the way of life.

I’m pretty excited that I can write this: あなたのカルマわロシアにあります。ところでバクダんがあなたのカルマのなかにあります、but it’s a comment I don’t see myself using very often. Unfortunately, in my current state of immersion, I believe I am fully saturated with effortlessly acquired Japanese. Unless I sit down and study it I probably won’t learn too much more.

At this point I can talk to some first graders, so I am not really at a great place to coast on the Japanese I know for the next 8 months. I have been able to say that I like things, and comment on the weather for a while. By now I can also make small talk for the duration of a car ride, which is a HUGE relief from the completely new levels of awkward silence. It was really painful thinking you really need to say something, for the love of God anything, but can’t. I know probably about 20 kanji on their own, but would have a hard time figuring out how they are used in a sentence. I can read hiragana and katakana very very slowly. That accomplishment is diminished by the fact that kanji usually appears in what I am trying to read.

How am I learning by myself? The internet is helpful. I am recently experiencing a new wave of motivation. Never in my life did I think I would be spending time on a website called “Akemi’s Anime World,” but it has been one of the best at explaining Japanese. It taught me the phrase above, (pronounced “Anata no karuma was Roshia ni arimasu. Tokorode, bakudan ga anta no karuma no naka ni arimasu,” or in English, “Your car is in Russia. By the way, there is a bomb in your car.” Throughout the day at school I write down the new words I learn so I don’t forget them as easily and then I practice what I have learned that day on the awesome taxi driver lady that drives me home. She probably thinks I am crazy because I have no reservations about throwing phrases like the one above around just to see what will happen. Japan is one big experiment for me. The problem, not just with her, is that sometimes Japanese people have thought that I don’t know what I am talking about. Like when I told her I was going to “Korea” she kept telling me that I wasn’t. That in fact on Monday I was going to “Kita-chu” (my junior high school). So sometimes learning Japanese isn’t so rewarding.

But there is good news (if I want to believe in something)! Some Japanese friends told me that Goto people have smaller mouths and thus are very hard to understand relative to Japanese in other parts of the country... So I could possibly understand more Japanese if I were to go somewhere else, which I probably won’t.

Scuba Diving, Japanese Style

I have finished my scuba diving license!! It is so amazing to go underwater. I think it is better than going to space. Its been really fun doing it all in Japanese too. Although, another Goto JET and I have noticed a particular Japanese style of diving. It is as if right before we all jump in, it is agreed the mission is to find the smallest cutest animal, something resembling a pokemon if possible, and then take lots of pictures of it. For example,

So in addition to that I’ve seen some pretty awesome creatures. Here are some favs:

Grumpy fish: Nothing too special, but these ones make me laugh. They are taking life way too seriously. They sort of look like black clownfish with really upset faces and they get all pushy if you get too close to their anemone.

The pimps and hoes: There are these really pretty long light blue fish with beautiful tails. Their tails are like ribbons and they are the colors of fairies. They are pretty small though so I can’t be sure if it looks like they are wearing makeup. These are the hoes, and they never go too far from their pimp. The pimp fish chills outside this hole in the bottom of the sand. If he had arms they would be crossed. He never looks friendly, and he never leaves the opening of this hole. If anything gets to close he calls the hoes back, who disappear into the hole behind him, and he doesn't even flinch.

Lion fish: Like a real lion stalking its prey, these babies just appear out of nowhere. I will sense that something is following me and look around, and BAM there is a lionfish just looking at me. I will think huh, cool. Creepy, but cool. So I turn back around to keep swimming and BAM, another one is now right in front of me. A few searching glances to either side and I notice another one or two more. All looking at me. I think it would be really cool to be stealth like the lion fish.

*Afternote: I did some research into this and turns out some pokeman have been based off of the sea slug. So I guess it happened the other way around. But still…

The Influenza and Japanese Disease Control

I am dripping in swine flu. “The influenza,” its all over me. I am a walking H1N1. But you know, it’s strange that I haven’t actually fallen ill. It’s me vs. the entire masked and sick island, but as they say, these colors don’t run. I am feeling pretty proud of my staunch individualist American immune system.

But truthfully, I must admit, being American isn’t everything. I suspect that “THE Influenza” is not H1N1 at all. No. No its not.

I present the evidence:

· I have not seen or heard of one person throwing up.

· Teachers and students who have allegedly been “influenzed” (their word, not mine) are back at school the next day.

· This island is overwhelmingly old; like WWI old. With the swine flu running rampant, some people would have definitely died. I think that's just the truth.

· People have been influenzed just by looking at someone who is influenzed from across the room. One day 5 teachers and an entire grade of students dropped like flies after looking at each other.

So I am calling bullshit. But nevertheless Japanese disease control has been pretty entertaining, at least when I haven’t been masked by the authorities.

The very foundation of disease control is the mask. For the most part, I think its nothing more than an unrelenting bad breath detector. But for Kamigotonians it has got to be some type of security blanket. There is nothing like feeling your hot wet germs and snot packed against your face. Fresh air is overrated, and even dangerous in some cases if you are riding your bike too fast (a warning another Goto JET received from some concerned citizens). I wonder if people wear the mask to bed? They wear it driving around ALONE in their cars. Oh THE HORROR when I walk around school without the mask when everyone else is wearing it. They make me feel like such a daredevil. You know me, living life on the edge… I have to get my kicks somehow. I’ve been holding back saying this…, but Japan is really just too safe.

Next is the spray. Another Goto JET reports some kids at her school have been completely sprayed down with disinfectant. I don't put it past them. At my schools there are teachers that man the hallways and spray the hands of everyone that walks by. If you walk into any building, there is a bottle there to greet you. Disinfection is the new taking off your shoes. I suspect that Japan will bear the first super bugs with their excessive use of anti-bacterials.

Then there is quarantine. The past month of classes has been interrupted because one or two grades have been banned from school. It’s funny that the flu can’t cross grade lines…

But, if this really is swine flu, then I think I will be all right anyway. I know the flu’s sneaky tricks. Covering the mouth and nose is just a distraction so it can get in through our eyes!!!! I have caught on to this. And anyways I have a perimeter around me. Junior High School kids don’t really get in the 3 feet zone needed to give me the Influenza. Its recently been shrinking as kids start to like me more, but I will be shocked if they breach 3 feet before December.

Kerry

That's apparently my name. It sounds like they are saying Kelly, but don’t be fooled like me, only to think, “damn,” when almost 4 months in the teachers write “Kerry” on the board.