First Day of School, Again!

Because I am teaching at 4 schools, I get four first days of school. Yay…

Elementary school is wonderful. If I could go back to Elementary school I would. Elementary was some good times. I can’t believe I’m back. And I can’t believe I have crossed over to the other side as Miss Kelly Teacher.

I REALLY can’t believe I am back in middle school though. Why would I do this voluntarily? Middle school was some awkward times. I would like to let you know that Middle school is still awkward and is universally awkward. It is a myth that middle schoolers are awkward. It is actually the institution itself. When you step into its lair you, and everything else around you, becomes awkward.

ELEMENTARY VS. MIDDLE SCHOOL

I stroll up to the Elementary school. Girls wave and boys make funny faces at me. We all laugh together. We shout Hello! Nice to meet you! I shake hands and network with the kids. Later we play life or death rock paper scissor games and run around. All the kids want to know if I am married. I walk into Kindergarten. The tiny five year olds gasp, and watch me with awe. They join me in song and dance. They ask me what my favorite bug is. Have you ever seen something so cute it turned the world into cotton candy and put little tears in your eyes? Well I have. I love elementary because everything is either hilarious or a heralding victory. What a model for life.

I walk into middle school. BAM! A massive zit appears on face. The kids are already on the field doing their military P.E. formations. I try and stalk them later in the day. They see me coming down the hall and start moving away from me. I hear someone yell, "I cannot speak English!" I desperately move towards the straggler from the pack. He knows he is vulnerable. I say something…”Hello! Do you play sports?” Everyone laughs. He hangs his head. I stand there alone and wonder what went wrong.

SOME THINGS I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE APPRECIATED BEING SAID TO ME…

Teacher in the morning: "Hi, so how is your life?"

Teacher in front of class: “So, what boy in this class would you like?”

...still in front of class: "So, do you drink? What is your favorite alcohol."

Principal at welcome party: “Mr. X sensei has lots of money because he is a virgin”